by Brenna Campbell
My whole body flushes when I begin to make love to you, or rather, when I let you make love to me. I want you in me. You roll me onto my side and you are still in me and you put my leg onto your shoulder. Your touch sends sparks to my core. Your gaze never breaks, adding more sparks, conducting raw energy, passion to my solar plexus. Euphoria. I see your face in the flickering candlelight. I can see, feel, all of your emotions, the awesome depths, and the look of sheer magnificent pleasure as you kiss my ankle, closing your eyes momentarily.
Yes, I was far away at times. Yes, I was thinking about her and thinking about being with her. But I was ever curious as to what this one boy was up to. Always wanting to call him and make him laugh, or blush, or really anything that would make him think of me. Thinking how lucky I was to be able to have these people in my life, but also thinking about the other “someone’s” in my life that remain without titles.
Was thinking particularly about a man with which I had shared an incredible relationship with, despite what it felt like, despite how it appeared. A man who knew all of this without either of us having to say. A man, who, as the cliché goes, knew me better than he knew himself; a person that endlessly amazed and surprised me, when few others were to ever benefit from his true self.
I experience that you can take a person out of a situation, but you can not take away chemistry, or extraordinary limitless bonds. You can never take away the feeling of absolute freedom in a relationship, of true selfless love.
The moans. Oh god. How I love to hear your shuddering moan. Like when I lick you from throat to chin. Your breathing is heavier, as my own slows. I look into those eyes and sink. Sink into those eyes that make me feel so real. So complete. You enter me. You slide easily, effortlessly, dreamlike, because I am so ready for the pleasure I feel from you biting me. Caressing my neck is a dream, all warm and rich, muted softsoft amber.
I float through our lovemaking. Kissing, always kissing. Feeling your lips like fluttering butterfly wings, powdered tips pressing energy and passing life from one connected thing to the other.
My trembling body is clammy, alight with both flame and ice, all the while zinging with the low hum of electricity. My arms and legs are now tingling and fluttering. The hairs on the back of my neck add to the already heightened sense of me. It as though every particle of my body is trying to make itself known.
I have been repeatedly blessed to find people that are able to love me without wanting in return. Their love endlessly flows, quenching my craggy places, dryhard and cracked places that I never thought could be healed from baneful times long and not so long ago. These admirers do not try and change me. They don’t want to stick me somewhere that I don’t belong. I have many people in my life to be grateful for, and endless gratitude and happiness. True love for the sake of true love and joy. Of not wanting anything in return. Of wanting nothing more than to make that person feel as happy as you do. No hokey schmaltz. No bullshit. No games. No stress and without limits. Fulfilling relationships that help me discover more about myself than I think possible… I evolve in these relationships. I do not change myself, instead my life changes and I feel compelled to do nothing but enjoy this person, this situation.